Monday, January 4, 2010


I believed that we are the ones responsible for ourselves. We are the ones responsible for our actions. Our life will depend on the decisions we make. These decisions is ours and ours alone to carry on. We can not blame others for our own doings. In the same manner that we should not depend on anyone else on deciding and living our life. I am not a religious person though I am a product of a devout religious family. I would like to be spiritual though but that is a great challenge for me. So, needless to say, I am not a prayer person. I always say, no matter how long a person kneels to pray, if he or she will not do anything, nothing will happen. Hence, we should act. I should act. No body will do that for me. Not even miracles. Not even God. It will start with me. I have to do it so I could get result. It is as simple as that.

Lately, I faced a challenge. My knees trembled. I felt weak to face this challenge. However, I would not back down just because I was scared. Hence, deep inside I know I will go forward. Unfortunately, no matter how I condition myself, I end up trembling. I was scared, scared as hell. I felt so little in front of this challenge. I feel I am already in the mid of my life to even face such challenges. During younger years, things like these challenges are not a challenge at all. Maybe I am getting old to be in the front line of lifes’ challenges. Regardless, I will definitely face this. However, the question is, how can I win with my unsuppressed fear eating me? How can I not be afraid?

Then something happened. I told myself perhaps if I pray, it would make me less afraid. I would be foolish to think that praying could make the bogeyman go away. That is just plain foolishness. Of course I still prepared for the big day – and prayed. I did not pray for the disappearance of this challenge nor to make things easier for me. I just prayed that --- If Jesus is really there, to hold my hand and be with me, every step of the way. He does not need to say anything. Just be there with me- beside me. I want to feel He is there beside me.

That day, I felt that tranquility I never thought possible under the circumstance. Not to mention how scared I was the days before. I felt as if some one was really walking beside me as I approached the big day. I felt serene.

Being scared is still in me. But more controlled now. I realized one thing, We do the Action. Yes, that is true. But a little drop of faith can work wonders as well.

Hopefully, and I am crossing my fingers, I will be able to completely meet this challenge. Still on the process, actually. But then, there is an extra - a companion. Well, I am still not that religious. Still not a regular prayer person. When I prayed for Him to be there, there were no compromise, no promises.

Perhaps, just take one step at a time.

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