How I Stopped Smoking

I had been writing about smoking lately. I am hoping that these posts would be able to help in my small ways. We talked about Why We Should Stop Smoking, Why is it Difficult to Stop Smoking and Tips on How to Stop Smoking. I also mentioned that I used to smoke. I even promise I will tell you about it. So here it is;

It was a typical night like any ordinary night. I believe it was my day-off. I was watching a television with my son. Vincent was ten or eleven year old then. There was this commercial on cigarette. Do you still recall the commercial on cowboys and cigarette? I believe it was Marlboro Country.

Vincent was already curious then. He asked me about the commercial and about cigarette. I recalled he even asked me if there is a need to smoke to be a real man. He further said he watched that in the television. I explained to my son how it is to be a real man. As you can see, he was curious at the time. The conversation about how it is to be a real man was further explained to him in my own way on another occasion. I will tell you about that conversation as well. But then, that will be on another date.

Now, let us go back to that faithful date. I told Vincent that smoking has nothing to do with being a real man. I further explained to my son the health issues that smokers encounter. Further, advising him that it is not good for a man or a woman to smoke. He nodded and said, "So, it is really bad to smoke?"  With a firm "yes" I answered, with a wink. Again, I replied "Yes, son. It is bad to smoke". Little did my son knew  at the time that his mother was smoking.

After the television show, I sent my son to bed. Believing he was asleep, I went downstairs. For some reason, I had the urge to smoke. I went to the gate and light my first stick of cigarette. I was already halfway when I noticed some one was on the window on the second floor of the house. It was directly adjacent to where I was standing then. When I stared hard, I realized it was Vincent. I did not know how long he was standing there. He was watching me as I inhaled and exhaled nicotine.

When I realized Vincent was my silent audience, I froze. I immediately threw the cigarette and hurried upstairs. There was my son, standing by the window. His eyes were inquiring. I think I  saw hurt in those innocent eyes. I felt trapped. Should I lie? He said " You said it is bad to smoke?" My knees weaken. I sat beside my kid.

I remembered hearing my own voice saying "Yes, son. I am smoking. And i did not lie when I said it is bad to smoke. I am sorry. It is my mistake. Tell you what, I promise that the cigarette you saw is going to be the last cigarette that I will smoke. Let me prove that to my best friend, please!  His  inquiring eyes looked at me directly. He asked "Is it a real promise?"  I swear and pledged my promise. Then I told him "truce?". We had this hand gesture, you see!  It is like saying "Ok, we are cool". Up until today, we had that hand gesture. 

I remembered his face lighten up. He held my hand as I guided him back to his bed. As I cover him with his blanket and kissed him on his forehead, I bid him good night.

You see, I was ashamed to my son. How can I tell him it is wrong and still do it? How can I tell him not to do it when he knows I am doing it?

That was more or less ten years ago. Every time I thought of smoking, I thought of my promise. I never smoked since then. Not even once. I did not back slide. Not even once. I stopped smoking in cold turkey, so to speak.

I stopped smoking not because of cancer. I stopped smoking not because of bad breath,  unpleasant smell nor the expense that goes with the vise. I stopped smoking because I promised to my son that I will quit smoking.

His inquiring and hurt expression was enough to make me ashamed.

His smile was enough to remind me that I can never risk breaking the credibility of my word to him.

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The upper picture was taken in our Lady of Manaoag. Vincent was a already a teenager on that picture. 

The lower picture was from his graduation.