A curious spirit with undying thirst to thrust unto the deepest realm of humans senses. A continual journey to challenge an intellectual pursuit. And a sensitive soul pursuing to the meaning of each bumps and bruises on each corner of this journey we call Life.
Friday, July 30, 2010
I Dreamt a Dream
The other day I had this dream. Dream that I could not really understand. I can not find the logic. But then, how can we really find logic in dreams, right?
It is normal for me to dream about my work. When I was in the finance department of EEI Corporation, i dreamt about my vouchers. When I was in the call center as an agent, I dreamt i was troubleshooting a customers' computer. When I became I Quality Assurance Analyst, I dreamt my scoring form. I was going over each line item and I was analyzing a call. That said, i suppose it is not a surprise if I dreamt about some of the topics I wrote. I do not know why is that. That is just me.
Anyways, I came across a home improvement software while writing about a given subject. When I slept that night, i saw the features of this software. Of course, the context is accorded to my own specifications. Hey, it was my dream. Had you experience dreaming wherein you are an observer? You are not part of the dream. You are in the distance observing the dream. I had a number of dreams like that. On my case, some one was with me every time I dream like that. Some one was actually talking to me while I was seeing the events in my dream. Sometimes the voice was explaining to me what was happening. But I do not know who that voice was. No hint and no idea. And I did not bother to know. The thing with me is that I still remember my dream even when I wake up.
On this particular dream, the software consists of squares separated by spaces. Each square has a visual door. When I entered one door, i saw a memory in the past. I felt the pain stabbed my heart. I could vividly feel that kind of pain when I am awake. There was no need to open the other squares. They were too many. This voice just showed me that these squares existed. That they are there. Then the voice told me " They happened because they must happen. It could be very painful but there was a purpose why it happened to you. It was designed to work for you. To make you a better being".
That was it. I woke up. As I said, I usually remember my dream. I still felt the stabbing pain. Or the memory of it. Maybe the voice was the subconscious part of me? I do not know. Let us put those idealistic wisdom out of the window for now, shall we? Here is what I can not comprehend.
That voice said "bad things happen in order to make me better". I am on my mid life now. I know for a fact that pain and bad experiences never go away. When I was younger, I used to say time heals all wound. But as I grow older, i realized they never really go away. We just have to know how to deal and live with it. We have to roll, so to speak. But the pain, or the memory of pain, is embedded in our hearts. The memory will never go away. It leaves a scar. And the scar will never disappear. That is just how life is.
Hence, bad experiences stays, and the pain becomes part of us, we just learned to deal with it, how can that make us a better person?
Is it because we learn to live and accept that life is not really as good as some say it is? I do not know. But you know what? I just realized it now while I was putting in words that dream of mine. Maybe being a better person does not necessarily mean we can not feel the pain anymore. Maybe....